the fragility of u

my mind is distracted. I can't hold it together anymore;
every thought of you,
every possible chance of us
is led by chaos.

every time you appear I get excited.
the wind, a cup, a single mainstream song, the smell of summer. the YOU.

my tummy hurts. but you hurt the most.--

I used to believe in myself, I used to think that the light from deep within, the love I share will save you, that it will gently invite you to the world of the good, and I know that somehow we were supposed to be the happiest soul mates there, careless but loving and inspiring.

I was -
so sure that you'll come my way. --

so my mind is distracted, my thoughts are fighting my body. I start to reject you.

I'm lying on a mattress I bought for us.
it's in the house of mirrors. every time I feel you around or in my head, every tine I feel you in me I look in the mirror. I used to see us just calmly sitting, I keep my head on your left shoulder, sometimes we kiss. 
but it's been a while now.
I can't choose the mirror to look at, so I keep seeing my self alone: big head, tiny body, enormous arms. a monster.
there are times when I see nothing. dark. my spirit covered in clumsy black liquid.

the metamorphosis in my unconscious mind is taking me on a new journey, my body is about to turn to dust. I see less light, less love.

I see less.

Dearest, inspire me to carry on, inspire my friends not to give up on me, let me inhale a little of your pureness.
take me away with breathtaking kindness.